Waxing Elephant

The New Normal

2011-09-17T21:55:00.002-05:00

Does the normal ever suddenly seem so surreal and bizarre to you? Today, as I began to drive down Signal Mountain, every thing shifted. I was no longer in my car. I was in the heel of an over-sized roller skate. I pushed off and began to coast down the side of the mountain. Fortunately, I had a crude device I could use to squeeze the wheels to slow my descent. Also, I was able to turn the front

So, What Do You Do?

2009-06-29T19:29:00.005-05:00

“Hello, ladies,” says a man’s voice. I look up from my menu to see the manager sliding up to our table. I guess that excludes me; at least I hope it does. I am the only man in the middle of four women at this table, which is not necessarily a bad place to be. And as an elementary teacher, I’m certainly used to this. The manager puts his hand on the edge of the C-shaped booth behind Katie’s head

Impromptu Laundry Day

2009-05-08T19:33:00.003-05:00

Everett, our two year old, gets up at 5:30. He pads down the hallway to our room and climbs in bed with us. Usually, I scratch his back for a while to keep him still so my wife can keep sleeping. Yesterday, I was too tired to scratch his back. So he scratched mine.Sort of.He'd scratch for two seconds and take a ten-second break. Then two more scratches followed by another break. Repeat for

Think About It

2009-04-27T08:42:00.006-05:00

It came to my attention that one girl in my class advised another girl in my class that she could be more popular if she wouldn’t act as smart as she is. I don’t even know where to begin.How in the world did the slacker image become something to aspire to? Surely it is some backlash against some generational work ethic, but still. In Thomas Friedman’s book, The World is Flat, he describes an

The New Agora

2009-04-26T20:15:00.002-05:00

So I’m blogging again. I say that with a present participle as if I am now back in a constant state of blogging. The thing is, blogging began to feel a little too much like navel gazing. I mean, I just talk about myself, which I find to be a dull topic. A week or so ago, the staff at NPR’s Morning Edition were trying to get Daniel Schorr to sign up for a Twitter account. He said, "It really is

The Drums at Coolidge Park

2009-01-06T22:07:00.012-05:00

The downtown park—the one next to the river,The once abandoned shipping yard—has metal drums.Discarded drums from some dump truck or tractor trailer,Brake drums tempered by heat and service and abuseTurned percussion by an artist, arrayed in two tiers.Find a twig (if you can)Or use the heel of a shoe and tap-ting-tong a song;They, too, sing America,Like this park, this city, the people here.Today

The Beautiful Changes

2008-11-07T21:29:00.006-05:00

Have you noticed the beauty of the earth this week? Did you take it in today? It is brilliant in every sense of the word. Today, I led a school-wide assembly of Kindergarten through fifth grade students right after a breathtaking drive up Signal Mountain in the flush of autumn. It was like a rainbow fell from the sky. I could smell the rain that would come within a few minutes, and I felt

Chasing After the Ukulele

2008-10-06T21:50:00.000-05:00

“That’s it,” I thought. “That’s the sound I’ve been trying to get.” I was sitting cross-legged in my parents’ basement one Christmas several years ago with my Ukulele in my lap. Dad had set me up with a microphone, a mixer, and some headphones. He had angled the microphone and placed it close to the strings. When I strummed, the headphones delivered the rich, full tones that I had become

A Semester of Psychology in 76 Words

2008-10-06T21:02:00.003-05:00

My brother, Steve, and I were standing in the backyard a while ago with our very young toddlers toddling around, and he told me this story:---Once in college, my schedule was tight and I really needed to get out of a psychology class. I asked the professor if he would let me clep out of his course, and he said that if I could answer one question right there, then I would get full credit for the

Art and Craft

2008-07-20T13:32:00.003-05:00

Who’d create a crippled craft,With a little fore and a little aftBuilt with bricks a shapely boatMortar-moored where it cannot float?A landlocked hard ship, run ashoreNot intended to performStem and starboard, merely sculpturalScuppers, stern, all for nauticalBut do not pity this city ship--Made to please the ones that slipAnd eddy in human ebb and flow;More art than craft this little boat.Over

Standing in the kitchen while the children nap...

2008-07-04T19:53:00.001-05:00

“Why do you eat blueberries by the handful?” she asks.“How else would you eat them?” I ask.“One at a time,” she says.“But,” I say, “they are so tiny. They don’t take up enough room in my mouth.”“Well,” she says, “when you eat a handful, they are all gone at once. I bet some of those berries never have a chance to be tasted.”I say, “But you can hardly taste them individually.”“No!” she says, “No!

I've Been Wanting to Tell This One...

2008-06-24T21:10:00.002-05:00

Several years ago, I found a rat drowned in Katie’s water bucket. Through a series of events, Katie (an Australian shepherd) had inherited a detached two-car garage, the cars had been evicted, and a colony of rats had moved in with Katie to share in her dog food and the bird seed we kept around.I don’t know how long the rats had claimed residency because I never went in the garage anymore. In

Cre-e-a-a-k-k

2007-12-15T07:32:00.001-05:00

Holy cow. Look at the cobwebs in here. What is this place? It seems to be... some kind of storage or ...dumping ground...or something. Oh, look -- there's something written on the wall over here. Give me your library card. Maybe I can scrape some of the dust and residue off to see what it says. Hm. "Thoreau". Weird. Where have I heard that name before? And what's with all these old mirrors? Wait.

Off the Shelf

2007-09-23T14:20:00.000-05:00

By J. PaulsonDo you think city peopleNeed poetry more thanCountry ones?In the country,Poems grow greenAnd wildAre breathed inWith the jasmineAnd crocusAre felt underfootBetween fingersBehind the kneeAre whispered eye to eyeHand to handMouth to earCity ears are preoccupiedHands in pocketEye to shoesCity people read poemsPreserved in booksLike canned beansOut loud in coffeehousesMissionaries’

Thoreau Schmoreau

2007-09-06T19:28:00.001-05:00

In order for this post to make sense, you must have already read my other posting, Thoreau's Nightmare. (next one down)Our airconditioning is out. I realize I don't want to live overly simply. I like airconditioning in 97 degree weather. I like heat in winter. The couch is quite comfortable. Maybe we don't have too many coffee cups after all. I think I can live with all the other plastic drivel

Thoreau's Nightmare

2007-09-01T07:24:00.001-05:00

We are in the unhappy process of trying to sell a house. Since our little girl arrived three years ago, we’ve thought about selling the house in a casual way. All of our neighbors had changed three times or so in the last seven years, and each time the house sold for an unbelievable increase. Finally, when our little boy showed up last year, we thought we’d give it a try. We put it on the market

A Bit Much, Really

2007-08-20T20:57:00.000-05:00

“What are we here for?” It was not an existential question.Dr. Du Plooy asked me this after I’d waited for thirty minutes in a waiting room and thirty more in an examination room. Dr. Du Plooy is from South Africa and he wears square-tipped snakeskin boots. Seven years ago when I took a job with Hamilton County Schools and received my insurance card, I was told to pick a primary health physician.

The Best Room Ever

2007-08-18T13:17:00.000-05:00

I had never seen clouds like these or from this perspective. I was in a 60-passenger jet slightly above the cloud version of the Rocky Mountains. They were gargantuan, and the plane was a broad-tailed hummingbird flitting about them. As with the Rockies, words fail me.Although the cumulonimbus clouds were generally below us, huge grey-white walls jutted up in front of us so high that our

Professional Development (in every sense of the term)

2007-08-10T20:02:00.001-05:00

At a professional development conference recently, I had the opportunity to attend a session led by a woman from the US Department of Education. She is one of about 50 advisors to Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings concerning educational policy and legislation. She was here to gain teacher input concerning No Child Left Behind and to tell us some of the changes that may be in effect as the

Rocky Mountain High

2007-06-24T09:51:00.000-05:00

"I feel so clean." This from the seventh passenger crammed next to me in the back of a seven-passenger minivan. She continued, "I feel so healed. I feel so terrified."We were high up in the Rocky Mountains--above the tree line where the air was clear albeit sparse. Moments before I had been kneeling with my face down low and my fingers palpating the ground so that my first experience with tundra

Spelling Bee

2007-01-17T20:38:00.001-05:00

From the way I see it, the Spelling Bee is a good way to discourage 90% of each classroom from being excited about spelling as we send 10% of each classroom off to compete with all the other ten percents. Then, in the school wide spelling bee, you have the unique opportunity to make 9 out of the 10 best spellers in the school go home crying.Today was our school spelling bee for 2nd and 3rd

The Calm After the Storm

2007-01-05T09:21:00.000-05:00

January is in, and the whirlwind of December has receded. In an earlier post, I cited some wisdom found in Kenneth Grahame’s The Wind in the Willows, and I am compelled to do so again. Particularly, I am reminded of Mole when he said:“After all, the best part of a holiday is perhaps not so much to be resting yourself, as to see all the other fellows busy working.”Mole's view complements Ma Ingall

Casting Pearls to Swine

2006-12-23T21:12:00.001-05:00

“Do you want to hear a dirty joke?” My grandpa asked me this. My dad was in the room. I was six-years-old.My dad and his father-in-law had just interrupted their own conversation—one that I had been ignoring until now—for this event. As a six year old, I was aware of the following things:My dad was in the room, so the joke couldn’t be too dirty.Dirty jokes of any kind were not encouraged.They

The Clothes Make the Man

2006-12-20T12:42:00.000-05:00

I noticed a little while ago that I behave a little better if I am wearing nice clothes. If I am donning a button up shirt, slacks, and a tie, my patience and professionalism go up, my confidence is boosted, and I do believe my voice takes on a slightly lower, manlier tone. I even fell a mite taller. I drive a little slower and am more gracious to other drivers and pedestrians. And on the days I

Vicarious Pleasures

2006-12-15T20:38:00.000-05:00

Clara Grace barely plays with her toys. Well, she plays with them about 5 percent of the time. The rest of the time she is playing with boxes of Macaroni-and-Cheese from the kitchen shelf, pots and pans, digital cameras that she extracts from camera bags, chargers, phones, doors, CDs, and toilet paper (thank goodness not the toilet.) She even slides chairs up to a light switch and will spend

Embarrassment

2006-12-08T14:12:00.000-05:00

My greatest embarrassment this year happened on Thursday, and it started when I gave my class hot chocolate. It was a cold, blustery day, and I was feeling the holiday spirits drifting in. We were preparing for that night’s Holiday Sing in which all the third and fourth graders would perform with voice, kazoo, and percussive instruments for a multitude of parents and one senator. The kids had

Black Friday

2006-11-24T17:33:00.000-05:00

“Honey, you’ve never done this before, have you?”This was more of a statement than a question, and it was uttered the day before Thanksgiving by a Wal-Mart greeter in response to my wife’s questions about shopping strategies for the big sales on Friday morning. We have never shopped on the Friday after Thanksgiving before, and I suppose I have always felt a little bit of pride about that.We were

What? No Warranty?

2006-11-22T05:05:00.000-05:00

When each of our children were born, the hospital gave us a booklet titled, “Caring for Your Newborn”. It was about the same size, shape, and weight as our car manual. The chapters were similar, too. The car manual has a section on fluids and amounts, so does the baby manual. The car manual has a section on its sound system; the baby manual details what infants should be able to hear at different

Catapulted

2006-11-03T23:51:00.000-05:00

The pilot seemed to enjoy himself on takeoff. There was a little more thrust involved than I remember from this past summer’s flights. I feel like I am being catapulted from Chattanooga to Cincinnati in a giant arc. I suppose it’s not much different from being catapulted, except that someone is steering the load.Sometimes when I leave my work—located on the beautiful Signal Mountain—and drive

An Absurd Post ...or...Preempting Happiness

2006-10-26T19:31:00.000-05:00

I live 860 miles away from my parents. It’s about a 14-hour drive, although Dad made it in about 12 hours once. With one young child, it takes around 16 hours. I have no idea how long it will take now that we have a very new second child.Sometimes when we show up on my parents porch and my parents are hugging us and telling us how glad they are to see us, Mom will also mention in those first few

Happiness on Aisle 3

2006-10-19T20:14:00.000-05:00

I’m finding the things that excite me lately as odd. This occurred to me last week when I was in Bi-Lo, our grocery store because I was so happy to be there.I’ve never been really happy about being in a grocery store before. Especially not as a kid. Going to the grocery store when Mom had a big list was so unappealing.But, it wouldn’t be now.So, I stepped into our brand new Bi-Lo, which is within

Thoughts Without Words

2006-10-09T13:32:00.000-05:00

Our second child, Everett, was born this week. It’s intriguing to watch him think, and I do think he’s thinking. For two days after he was born, he spent his few waking moments looking around the hospital room, at Marcy and me, and at his hands. I’m not sure how profound his thoughts were, but he did seem to be studying everything. Clara Grace was that way, too, and people more objective than I

Religion?

2006-10-07T05:55:00.000-05:00

“Height?”“Five five and a half”A nurse was asking my wife questions from a survey while we were in the hospital.“Allergies?”“Cats and dust.”“Religion?”Here my wife paused and then made a strange sound. The noise began when the breath she was holding released. It was a guttural, phlegmy “ch” that sounded a little German, maybe…or perhaps from the Hebrew alphabet.The nurse looked up and raised her

Good Days

2006-09-24T08:37:00.000-05:00

“It was a good day.”This is what I say to my 23-month-old girl every night; it’s become a bedtime ritual. It changes slightly with the events of the day, but the general process is the same each night.Usually, I begin the dialogue.“Did you have a good day?” I ask after the lights are out and we are in the rocking chair.“Good day,” she says, her head against my chest.“Did you go to the park?”“Go

Time is of the Essence

2006-09-23T07:17:00.000-05:00

“I am bionic man.”It was three in the morning and I was thinking this because I was strapping a watch to my wrist. “I am strapping a time-keeping device to my arm,” I said, “and I’ve done it everyday for at least 15 years.” My sleeplessness was due to the fact that I was not feeling well, so I was moving my resting quarters to the futon in the music room to keep from waking my wife. The watch has

Paint Buckets and Bucket Seats

2006-09-22T16:03:00.000-05:00

This just cracks me up.Sherwin-Williams has used the same logo of a blue globe actively being covered by red paint and the slogan “Cover the Earth” for over 40 years. This might be a good slogan for money-hungry executives to chant at a sales meeting, but it does not speak to any particular consumer. For many people today, it is a disgusting and offensive idea. Although the logo may have been

Skill

2006-09-20T19:12:00.000-05:00

Two years ago this month, I got stuck in construction traffic on Signal Mountain Blvd. While I sat, I saw this:A backhoe was scooping gravel out of an enormous iron bin and dumping it in a ditch. At first glance, I took no real notice, but then something caught my attention. The fluidity that this backhoe operator managed was simply outstanding. There were no jerky movements at all, but

Dear Diary

2006-09-19T19:39:00.000-05:00

I should have been keeping a journal for the last 15 years. Apparently, anyone who is great in life keeps a journal.I realized this yesterday morning at about 4:30 after I had been awake for nearly two hours. I was in the music room, if it can still be called that; it would probably be more appropriate to follow the example of a school at which I used to teach and call it the Multi-Purpose Room.

The Dog

2006-09-19T15:15:00.000-05:00

I’m sorry if I licked your hand too much;I just wanted to sayThank youFor theBoneIt was delicious and good. And if you have some time to playIn the yard with meAnd my Tennis ballIt is my favorite thing. And I don’t know if I can do anything for you, but if you get pleasure from scratching me behind my ears, well I wouldn’

This I Believe

2006-01-02T20:55:00.000-05:00

The mind is such a curious thing. It can believe something so tenaciously and with such conviction that it can convince itself and the body in which it resides to suffer or die for that belief. And yet, it is so fickle that it may believe today the exact opposite of what it was willing to suffer for yesterday.On a much less intense level, I was once convinced that a girl in my class had stolen a